Thursday, May 31, 2007

Oyster Po'Boys

The first time I had an oyster Po'Boy was in New Orleans. It was my first trip to Jazz Fest .My friend Joanne took me to a sandwich shop in a neighborhood she used to live in. I was reticent, I had never had fried oysters. She knew I loved fried clams, she had been shanghaied to Kelly's enough times to get acquainted with my little pecadillo. She assured my they were very similar tastes. They are and , yet , they aren't. I can now tell the difference. The New Orleans Po'Boy is served on fresh french bread. The sauce is not quite tarter sauce or mayonnaise. It was also served with fine shaved lettuce. The oysters were fresh from the bayou. It was delicous. We ate our sandwiches in a park across the street. I drank root beer with mine. It was over 20 years ago , but it feels like it was last week. .. or tonight !
Last night , I went to see a play in Davis Square. My boss lives in Somerville and before we got to the subway station, I had talked her into going to Red Bones to have dinner with me to kill some time. I was pretty certain about what I was going to get -either the catfish sandwich or an oyster Po'Boy. I decided on the oysters. It was very good. Not as good as that first one in Louisianna, but delicious none the less. Yes, I ordered a root beer.
Tonight, I did a favor for a friend and he bought all of us dinner . We could have whatever we wanted, it was on him. .. at Red Bones ! Yes, I had the same thing tonight. Oyster Po'Boy and root beer. Yes , it was delicious. Tonight, I exchanged the beans for macaroni & cheese.
Two nights in a row of high caloric goodness. If I die of a heart attack in my sleep tonight , I want you all to know I died happy. . . ..

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Apparently. . . . . I Suck

I went up to Gardner Massachusetts tonight , gateway to the Mohawk Trail and "Furniture City" for those of you in the know, to Williams Pub for a comedy competition. It was modestly titled "Comedy Idol" Contest. I was mostly thinking "I'm not doing anything tonight. I should drive an hour for 5 minutes of stage time. It'll be good for me." Hindsight says "Wrong. It was not good for me" In fact , it was somewhat discouraging and disappointing. Not quite humiliating, because frankly, I don't care what the good voting people of Williams Pub in Gardner think of me. I'm never going back THERE again .
There were 6 of us in this contest. The winner got 12 points out of a possible 15. I got 4. So, that means that 4 of the "judges" gave me 1 point and the 5th held up "What the hell was that ?" card. I didn't tailor my material to the rural tastes of the community. Possibly, none of them have ever been to Boston or rode on a subway. They are untainted of homeless people. I did no homophobic jokes. It's not like the other 5 comics or the host was getting all that great of a reaction either. The Sox game was on and the quaint little comedy show was of little interest to most of the clientele.
I should have stayed home. I don't feel very good about myself. I'm thinking of shaving my head and joining a Buhddist Nunnery -that has some very positive selling points for me right now. I gotta figure out my life. I am going nowhere , slow.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

So Metropolitan

Today was a beautiful day here in Beantown. The sun was shining , the birds were singing, the grass was growing and blooming and the pollen is flying. For lunch today, I went down and sat on a park bench by the Frog Pond. The "pond" is filled and it was almost like actually picnicing by a real pond . I ate my usual lunch -yogurt, peanut butter on pita and a mozarella stick in the shade of a tree. It was quiet , in a city park on a spring day kind of way. I felt very urbane and sophisticated. It was only an hour lunch , so that didn't last very long . . ..
The mens room toilet got backed up again and some guy from the city came and snaked it after 4 PM ! They usually stop "work" at 3. So, it was really nice that they guy came and fixed it. Honestly, he was in and out , got it done and was very professional about it. Shortly before we closed, a homeless guy ran in requesting a ranger because someone had fallen and hit his head and was bleeding and unconscious. This was happening by the fountain. All I could think of was "Was he having sex when it happened ? " Boston EMS came and dealt with it.
I closed tonight because the manager had to leave early for an appointment. At 2 minutes to 5, I was waiting on a customer and neither of my remaining co-workers made a grab for the keys to lock the door. They both looked at me like I was the only person who had the capacity to lock up . I'm pretty sure we have keys in the box. I wouldn't mind if I was getting paid more than either of them , but I'm not. So, I had to dump my customer and go lock up . When I came back in through the back, neither of them had turned off the computer or put the register contents in the safe. It's not rocket science and , again, we're all getting paid the same amount . Every second they have to wait for me to complete these tasks, is longer time we have to spend there !
I was pretty tired all day . I went down to Rhode Island for a comedy competition with my friend Mike last night and I didn't get home until a little after 12. He didn't win , but I think he should have. I had to get up early today and combined with the crap in the air and I'm ready for naptime pretty much all day long. I was cranky. Except for the luncheon respite, I was grumpy all day long.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Animal Abuse

That's what I felt like I committed today. I abused my animal. I feel like an animal abuser. My cat needs to have his nails trimmed by the vet. He has double and triple paws. He's actually growing new appendages. It's like every so often he grows another thumb or pinky. A thumb or pinky that also grows a claw. Sometimes the claws grow back into the pads of his paws. He can get hobbled by this predilection. When he gets hobbled , it is a pricey solution . So , we take him to the vet before he gets handicapped.
Mum has been asking me to help her get him in the carrier for a couple of weeks now. There just hasn't been time . Today , however, was the day. I tricked the cat into some premium brushing and cooing. He loves to be brushed . This could be considered his one kitty character flaw. He can't help himself. Fortunately , for me because I can distract him while I'm brushing him. I had just gotten out of the shower. I had a bathrobe on and a towel on my head. I whipped the towel off my hair and over the cat and then scooped him up in the towel to shove him in the carrier. I had to attempt this procedure a couple of times. Finally , I got him in the carrier.
I feel bad that I had to trick him and I feel badly that he sort of growl/cried all the way to the vet. I know it's for his own good, but I just felt bad . I know he pretty much is unable to think too far ahead or too far into the past . His brain is the size of a walnut. But I love my cat and I mostly want him to lie around the house looking like a cat without being in pain.
Long story short, we got him to the vet and got his nails taken care of and he's completely forgotten what happened this morning. Now , he 's just hanging around the house doing the thing we like him to do best.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Winning The Lottery

I haven't bought the book "The Secret" . .. yet. But I'm a fan of Edgar Cayce and Stuart Wylie and I'm a sucker for books about angels.I read the Celestine Phrophesy. Yes, I'm a fruity secret little fan of happy endings. I don't live a life like it's got happy endings, but I am constantly looking for a hopeful outcome . However, after the wedding I attend next month, I will not attend any more weddings. I don't care if it's one of my brothers or my God Child. I'm done. I can't stand the disappointment any more. But I digress. ... .
So, this whole "The Secret" thing is really just wishing- on steroids. I haven't read it yet but the jist is , if there is something in your life you want badly enough, you have to visualize it and act like you have it already. Fake it until you make it. Powerful positive thinking. Again, I haven't read the book but I've read a couple of articles about people who have tried to apply the principles set out in the book, with inconclusive results. You have to be specific about what it is you want. The color, texture, size,"specifics"- things like that there.
I want to win the lottery. I fantasize about how I would disperse my millions. 30 milion, to be specific. I came up with the figure and I think it could take care of a lot of basics and a lot of luxuries for my family , friends and community for the rest of my life with that amount. I could travel. Visit my friend Alicia and her husband in Australia. Visit my friend Mary in France. Visit my friends Mary, Betsy , Jan and Dee-Rob out in California. Maybe buy a house where I could Live/visit out there. I know the kind of cars I would buy-a mini cooper and scion van. And a Buick. The kind of car your Grand Ma should drive. Nice and roomy and comfortable. I'd get a house on the water up on Cape Ann and I'd get a dog or two. I could hire somebody to walk them when I was visiting my friends around the world. I could write, produce and star in my own movie. I could buy a Chanel Suit ! Just some of things I could do with Thirty Million Bucks !
That being said. . . . I won the lottery on Sunday.. .. .technically. Yup. Technically, I won the lottery. I was down to my last $7.00 until payday this Friday. I needed to buy an avacado for dinner. I went to the store and bought a decent looking avacado for my salad. After the girl had wrung up my purchase, on a whim, I said "Give me a dollar scratch ticket. I don't care which one". So, she gave me a random scratch ticket. I put it in my pocket and went back to my job. I had been back at the store for about a half hour when I realized I hadn't scratched my ticket. I took it out and scrtached it. It was a winner ! I won $10.00 ! It totally changed my day ! I could buy some gas and get a newspaper. I would have the fare for a train ride . My life was transformed .
I had visualized winning the lottery. I had pictured myself as a lottery winner . And , lo and behold, I had become one. So , I think in the broadest sense of the term I was able to manifest winning the lottery. I'm just not practiced enough at increasing the amount.
And there, my dear children, is a metaphor for life.
Not really , I just can't figure a way to wrap this up neatly. Logic is in the bath room and won't be out for a while. . it took a newspaper in there .

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Taking Stage-Part Two

So, tonight was my second night in a row at the Studio. I was working on "Taking Stage" - a term that means I command that little piece of real estate when I am holding the microphone. Though I know how to do this in other performance situations-theater, childrens shows, award ceremonies. I have been unable to completely incorporate this skill consistantly in my stand-up. I am still working on it. It was consistant last night and tonight.
I opened with the same joke I opened with last night. I didn't do the new idea I did last night because, simply put , it's not ready yet. Good concept-homeless people trying to pass themselves off as tourists but I don't have the joke in there yet. I listened to a couple of previous sets on my little recording device and retrieved a couple of things that I had only done the one time and they were pretty funny then and they worked tonight. Just little throw away lines, but it added to the whole picture. Again, I felt very good about what I did tonight. There was really nobody to talk about my set with . SO. . . .I come home and blog it. Thank you for your input.
So, it was a pretty big audience . A bunch of John Lincoln's friends came and they were a really good audience. Lincoln did a great job. He did a great job last night , too. Maggie MacDonald was on , she's always good . She even did a new bit , on a Saturday night ! How brave ! Brave and it worked well. Tony Moschetto is the Comic in Residence this month and he's always good. He , also, incoporporated the new stuff with tried and true. Again, it's pretty risky because he's in the bullet position but he's such a pro he totally pulled it off. Erin Judge had a new bit I hadn't heard before, it was great . Jesse Gersten was there he also had new material. Viscious , hilarious , sacriligeous new stuff. Joe Wong was there , he just had a new baby , so he was guilty being out of the house, but a new baby means new material. I 'm so amazed that he can write jokes in a language that is not his native tongue and how he can be so funny. He knows where the punchline is ! Very impressive.
The "headliner" was Pat O'Shea. He did all new material different from when I saw him last year. He used to live here but now he lives in New York and he always has a big crowd that comes out to support him. Including a guy I used to date. Last year, I looked right at the guy and he looked at me and I thought "wow , that guy looks like Rockin Bob" and it was . He didn't say hi. I didn't think it was him , so I didn't say anything and I was upset about it, because Pat said that Bob was there that night. This time, I didn't see him until the end of the night . I guess he had been there the whole time. It just didn't matter. It's so weird, because I'm pretty sure I would recognize everybody else I ever dated, just not him. He doesn't seem to give a shit either. I guess I was a little more traumatized by the dumping all those years ago than I had previously thought. That kind of selective memory . I have "disappeared" him from my mind, like he never existed. Kind of like Matt Damon in "the Bourne Identity". Only I don't have a lot of cash stashed away in a safety deposit box or the ability to handle weapons. Unless my car could be considered a weapon.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Taking The Stage

Tonight I performed at the Comedy Studio. It was a small audience ,though there was some kick-ass talent on the show tonight. The audience was small because it has been raining for days now and I guess everyone is at home working on their arks.
The goal I had set for myself tonight was to "Take Stage". Since it was such a small audience, I didn't have to concern myself with the sound of laughter, that would merely slow me down ! I thought about a weather related joke while I was watching the show and an additional bit for the whole Information booth segment. The weather joke went pretty good. The new bit for the information booth needs more work , but there's something there.
I was not worried about wether they liked me or not. I was all about controllng the stage. I had seen Elvis Costello on Tuesday night and , man, that guy knows how to control a stage !!!! I decided to get "All Elvis" on 'em. It worked ! I felt really good when I was done. I kept it fresh with a couple of new things and did justice to the tried and true material. I want ot listen to the tape and watch the dvd to see if I was imagining it. But I think it went pretty well. I felt like it was a good performance and the audience was entertained. But , most importantly , I was entertained.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Went to See the Wizard

My best friend and her new husband and I went to see Elvis Costello tonight at AValon. The place was packed. We got to stand pretty close to the stage . I was about 15 ft. from him. He was wearing a black shirt, black tie and black suit. He looked great. He just played song after song after song. He had played about 10 songs before he said hello to the crowd. He didn't talk much , he just played and sang. It was great. I didn't like how crowded it was , but it was great. I feel so rejuvenated just being in his presence. It was great.
I worked 3 of the 5 jobs today before I went to the concert. My friend at the engineering firm, Jimmy the K, felt bad about Jerry Falwell dieing. I think he felt my response was a bit callous. I'm sorry the man died but I just think he was too strident about things. Hi Jimmy the K.
It was great seeing Elvis. There were a lot of gray hairs in the audience and couples that you could tell went to see Elvis back when they were courting before they had kids and grand-kids. His drummer has gray hair but he sure can play.
Okay , that's it ,my eye-balls are killing me.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Call Me "Irresponsible"

Because that's what I am. Last week , I worked a couple of extra assignments that pay better than my usual wage. They are jobs that are interesting to me but they are rarely offered to me , so when they are offered, I drop everything to do them. They're usually long hours and , if I 'm lucky, I'm busy the whole time. So, I had two of those types of jobs last week. I need to be dressed fairly nicely . However, either my clothes don't fit or they are in the dry cleaners. I was able to put something together for Tuesday ,but Fridays' outfit made me feel dumpy.
Since it seems unlikely that I am going to lose enough weight to fit into my current wardrobe, I needed to do a little shopping. I justified it by the fact that I have a good paycheck coming down the pike to me, after this weeks efforts. However, that isn't going to be for another 2 weeks. So , my shopping spree was nothing short of stupid. Selfish ,even. Because, at this point , I still owe my mechanic upward of $700.00 and I have 2 hefty parking ticket for the City of Cambridge, for starters. So, even though I was ostensibly there to get my Mother something for Mother's Day, which I did , but I haven't given it to her yet, it really wasn't a practical idea for me to go shopping.
I can justify the purchases because most of them were on the clearance rack. Not flashy choices but practical buys for the basics of a wardrobe. A skirt, blouse, dress( the blouse and the dress were a third of their original cost) and simple black slide sandals ( half price) and a pair of skechers sneakers that were further marked down to $8.00. I am not a big believer in retail therapy but I felt pretty good about these purchases. After I got past the guilt that I should have sent that money to my mechanic.
Though I still feel guilty. The first time I wear the clothes, I'm going to feel terrific !

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Interactions With "Wildlife"

Sorry it's taken a couple of days to write. My right eye feels like there's a fork scrapping my eyeball from underneath the lid. Thus, making looking at a computer screen for more than 3 second intervals very uncomfortable. But enough about my advancing infirmity .. .
Last Friday, I was working the job in Andover and I had to file something in the basement . I could hear what sounded like birds or squirrels doing a lot of .. . .something. It seemed loud, but the windows were closed. I figured it was something I was not hearing right and continued on with my work. Though I felt like I wasn't alone. Then I noticed that the cap was off the chimney. I know for sure it was there last week because I thought I was hearing the same type of stuff last week coming from the chimney. I thought a squirrel was dying in there. I figured I'd be dealing with a smell this week. Yes, I am familiar with the smell of rodent death . . .. and I 'm not talking about my prom date !!! (RIM SHOT )
So, I thought that was odd, but I kept doing my work. I could hear scratching and chirping , but , again, I figured it was outside. But I thought something moved inside the chimney. I looked at the chimney without actually getting close to it and there were 2 little eyes peering out at me. I got scared. I didn't want to get too scared in case the thing could smell my fear and decide I was an easy target. Perhaps food. .. perhaps it would try and stuff my bloated carcass into it's chimbley laire. And by "Bloated Carcass" I mean I'm not dead yet, I'm just bloated. I picked up a piece of foam core and held it up as I crossed in front of the chimney. I scampered up the stairs and had to tell the boss that there was something alive in chimney.
I never like reporting abnormalities in the underworld. Every once in a while I have to tell the big Kahuna that there's a leak or the humidifier is not working. Anything having to do with the building not functioning at it highest performance, I feel like I'm saying soemthing nasty about his family.
He didn't blink an eye and told his secretary to call an exterminator. Then he went upstairs and told Bill to go down the basement with me that I wanted to show him something . How can that not sound sexual ? At the very least , tittilating? "Dorothy wants to show me something ??!!!!!" I get along okay with the guy, but he already thinks every woman wants him , I don't need that weirdness, because I don't. He reminds me too much of one of my less favorite brothers.
To the guy's credit , he did go down the basement and looked into the chimney. It was a Mama racoon and baby racoons. I was up the stairs before he got to the second syllable of Mama. He followed me up and told the secretary to call animal control, not an exterminator. So, she cancelled the exterminator and called animal control. They came right away. It 's a Mom and 6 baby racoons and they can't take them by force out of the chimney. They have to be coaxed out. Persuaded. Why do they call it "Animal Control" if they can't really control anything alive. Shovelling a carcass off the highway doesn't seem to require a great deal of control. Maybe we needed to call animal peer pressure. "Hey , look at these woods ! That's where all the cool rodents hang. .. in the outdoors! What's a matter, too chicken to dig your own burrow ? " what we got is a slacker racoon Mom.
I haven't been there since Friday, so, I don't know what's going on. I'll find out this Friday.
Speaking of "Wild life". Friday night, I went downtown to see my friend Alicia and her new husband who were visiting for a very brief time. She lives in Australia now and I had not met her husband. He seems like a good one. I am happy for her.
However, we walked up to the Public Garden , in the dark so he could see some sort of a Boston landmark. On the way there, we had to walk through some construction scaffolding and who was in there, with a very special friend , was Tara from the visitors center from earlier in the week. Alicia thought it looked like she was about to give the guy she was with a blow job.
You know, I think she's right .

Thursday, May 03, 2007

"There's A Naked Man in There. . . . "

The visitor said to me after exiting the men's room (Yes. .. THAT. . Mens room). I said "Uh, okay. I'll tell my manager" . I don't know what she's going to do about it . She can't exactly go int there herself. We had two guys working on staff today , so , one went in to assess that there was indeed a naked man in there. He explained to my co-worker that he has sirrossis of the liver and is prone to "Episodes". He had had an episode and needed to change his pants. He was at the sink cleaning his loins.
A man and his son were headed into the the Gents and three of us yelled out "Don't let that kid in there !" You can never tell who is a pervert and who is just prone to explosive diarrehea. Either way , a kid can wait a couple of years before he gets exposed to that kind of humanity.
Then my other co-worker went in there and explained to the man that he needed put something on because we have kids coming in there. At first the guy started to protest and then he realized my co-worker had a point . He retreated to the handicap stall to get himself together. By this time, a Ranger had returned to the station and he hung around in case his services were needed. Evetually , the guy left and went to hang out in the Common. The Ranger went and talked to him to make sure he was okay. The term "Okay" being a relative term.
Other than the naked man episode, it was a pretty beautiful day in Beantown. The sun was shining and the sky was a bright blue all day. It was warm but it wasn't hot. I had my fleece on all day.
Tonight , I head up to Lew's in Tewksbury to ply my dirty trade. . okay. ..maybe Trade" is a too grandiose adjective. . .. . more like an unfulfilling hobby . . . .

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Visit From a Crack-Whore

Literally. We had a visit from the righteously angry crack whore today. She entered the center like she was walking up a sloped wall . She was skinny , white, with long dirty black hair. I watched her come through door , doing a bad Art Carney imitation and as she entered the ladies room she snapped at me "Take a Picture ! It lasts longer !". Not long after, we heard the banging. Our cleaning lady came out and said she was sitting in the sink. We could hear noises , metal falling to the floor, the stall doors slamming, a fight with a waste basket. . . .. you know , the usual. She was in there alone. We had to call the rangers. She was looking for a fight. I thought the first responder did a very good job of keeping her calm. We basically don't want her in there and hurting herself or someone else. Mostly, we don't want her to die in there.
Two other rangers showed up as back-up. Not because the guy couldn't handle it. She was only about 5'2", BUT SHE WAS SCRAPPY ! It took about 20 minutes to get her out. The Police were called. When they showed up , they hailed her by name . At one point 3 rangers and a Boston Cop were in the ladies room assessing the damage. She busted the faucet. . .probably from sitting in the sink. They agreed not to press charges if she would just leave the park.
It's really a sad thing because I'm sure she didn't start out to be a crack head. I have no idea what her real age is. She could have been 18 or 40. She probably has a family worrying about her somewhere. A family that she has no doubt caused boundless pain and heartache. I don't even know her and she caused me a fair amount of anxiety.
How was your day ?