Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Interactions With "Wildlife"

Sorry it's taken a couple of days to write. My right eye feels like there's a fork scrapping my eyeball from underneath the lid. Thus, making looking at a computer screen for more than 3 second intervals very uncomfortable. But enough about my advancing infirmity .. .
Last Friday, I was working the job in Andover and I had to file something in the basement . I could hear what sounded like birds or squirrels doing a lot of .. . .something. It seemed loud, but the windows were closed. I figured it was something I was not hearing right and continued on with my work. Though I felt like I wasn't alone. Then I noticed that the cap was off the chimney. I know for sure it was there last week because I thought I was hearing the same type of stuff last week coming from the chimney. I thought a squirrel was dying in there. I figured I'd be dealing with a smell this week. Yes, I am familiar with the smell of rodent death . . .. and I 'm not talking about my prom date !!! (RIM SHOT )
So, I thought that was odd, but I kept doing my work. I could hear scratching and chirping , but , again, I figured it was outside. But I thought something moved inside the chimney. I looked at the chimney without actually getting close to it and there were 2 little eyes peering out at me. I got scared. I didn't want to get too scared in case the thing could smell my fear and decide I was an easy target. Perhaps food. .. perhaps it would try and stuff my bloated carcass into it's chimbley laire. And by "Bloated Carcass" I mean I'm not dead yet, I'm just bloated. I picked up a piece of foam core and held it up as I crossed in front of the chimney. I scampered up the stairs and had to tell the boss that there was something alive in chimney.
I never like reporting abnormalities in the underworld. Every once in a while I have to tell the big Kahuna that there's a leak or the humidifier is not working. Anything having to do with the building not functioning at it highest performance, I feel like I'm saying soemthing nasty about his family.
He didn't blink an eye and told his secretary to call an exterminator. Then he went upstairs and told Bill to go down the basement with me that I wanted to show him something . How can that not sound sexual ? At the very least , tittilating? "Dorothy wants to show me something ??!!!!!" I get along okay with the guy, but he already thinks every woman wants him , I don't need that weirdness, because I don't. He reminds me too much of one of my less favorite brothers.
To the guy's credit , he did go down the basement and looked into the chimney. It was a Mama racoon and baby racoons. I was up the stairs before he got to the second syllable of Mama. He followed me up and told the secretary to call animal control, not an exterminator. So, she cancelled the exterminator and called animal control. They came right away. It 's a Mom and 6 baby racoons and they can't take them by force out of the chimney. They have to be coaxed out. Persuaded. Why do they call it "Animal Control" if they can't really control anything alive. Shovelling a carcass off the highway doesn't seem to require a great deal of control. Maybe we needed to call animal peer pressure. "Hey , look at these woods ! That's where all the cool rodents hang. .. in the outdoors! What's a matter, too chicken to dig your own burrow ? " what we got is a slacker racoon Mom.
I haven't been there since Friday, so, I don't know what's going on. I'll find out this Friday.
Speaking of "Wild life". Friday night, I went downtown to see my friend Alicia and her new husband who were visiting for a very brief time. She lives in Australia now and I had not met her husband. He seems like a good one. I am happy for her.
However, we walked up to the Public Garden , in the dark so he could see some sort of a Boston landmark. On the way there, we had to walk through some construction scaffolding and who was in there, with a very special friend , was Tara from the visitors center from earlier in the week. Alicia thought it looked like she was about to give the guy she was with a blow job.
You know, I think she's right .


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