Friday, July 27, 2012

Sucks Getting Old

So, I am a person of a certain age. I could be in better physical shape. I'm going to have to do better at getting into better physical shape. Time is running out and the idea of getting old is absurd to me. The idea of not being able to move and do what I want is difficult for me to comprehend . Intellectually, I understand it's coming for me. Internally, I am not ready to give up. If you have ridden with me on a Boston train, you know I will not go gently into that good night. I don't mind the dark but you're going to need a bulldozer to push me along . . . .. . .This morning I went to see a specialist. I have a "thing" on the left side of my head. It expands and contracts throughout the day . If you don't know me, you won't notice it . If you do , you are eventually going to say "what's up with the side of your head ? ". I first noticed it in October of 2010. I had a regular appointment with my doctor, asked him about and he figured it had something to do with recent dental work. 6 months later, I have a bad root canal, see an oral surgeon , she examined me "I don't know what it is , but it isn't in the mouth and has nothing to do with your teeth. You should see your doctor. He can call me " she said. I make an appointment with my doctor and my insurance runs out before I can get in to see my doctor.4 months later my insurance is reinstated. And 2 months ago I made an appointment to see my doctor 2 weeks ago. He referred me to a specialist. This is who I went to see today. . . . . .He manipulates my face, he shines a light in my ears and looks up my nose and then he threads a light up my nose and down into the back of my throat. I am coughing and trying not to gag, but I do. The poor doctor , I coughed in his face, unintentionally, but , still, it's an unattractive interchange when someone coughs in your face. He asks me , at least 3 times, if I notice if it gets bigger when I eat. Nope, I got no idea. It's smaller in the morning and then gets bigger throughout the day.He "milks" a salivary gland. It works. That is a good sign. He thinks it is an obstruction in one of the ducts. He orders an MRI for me and suggests I try occasionally squirting lemon into my mouth. It will make the gland convulse and possibly dislodge whatever it is. He tells me to call the office 3 days after the MRI. He is a nice doctor. I say good bye and head to the receptionist to schedule the MRI . . .not so fast . . . my insurance requires that all special tests get reviewed before they will okay the test. So, no , I cannot schedule an appointment today for any time in the future. They may or may not approve this test. I may or may not have anything wrong. Since there is no pain, there is a possibility that it could be something serious. The doctor is pretty confident that it is an obstruction. I am hoping he is correct. . . . . . . . Today, I bought baby aspirin. My doctor told me to start taking one every day. Yup. . . . . . . . I went to work , got stuff done, bought groceries, arrive home and get my mail. Hmmmm, a letter from my doctor . . .what test results could these be ? It's a form letter , results of my mammogram and what is checked off ? "Probably benign" is checked off "Recommended repeat mammogram -12 months " . . ."Probably benign" . .. . that "probably" is a shitty way to describe test results . They are basically saying that they saw something but they're just gonna let this one ride for a while. Yeah , it's "probably " okay . That's what getting old is , you have to live with all these vagaries. Technically, we are all "Pre-cancerous" . . .no, no one used the "c" word on me , but that's what I'm thinking. I can't freak out, I am not freaking out , maybe I am a bit whiney . What happened to the good old days when they checked you out , knew immediately what it was , you take the medicine, don't do that thing for a couple of weeks, stay off that foot, you're back to normal in a couple of days,weeks,months. Yes, I am referring to people of usual good health which I have been pretty blessed with . I am not talking about people with serious or chronic health problems. I am referring to myself and , in the context of this blog, I am the universal everyman. I am referring to my life. No disrespect intended for anyone else. . . . . .then, to top off my slide into the hole in the ground, I went to see a Rod Stewart Impersonator show tonight. It was technically Rod Stewart and friends.Rod Stewart, Stevie Wonder (a white guy in black face. I know . . .FANTASTIC !), Elton John , Billy Joel and Michael Jackson. Women were rushing the stage to touch "Rod Stewart" and have their picture taken with him. They were screaming his name. We were all singing along . It went by so fast ! It was a great show ! It was a sea of white haired & bald heads . OLD people . I knew the words. I remembered all the songs . I am old. . . . . .I am falling apart and my knowledge base is shifting to irrelevant . . . . I am fine . . . .seriously, it's only going got get worse . . .


Blogger dee-rob said...

Oh noes, Dot.

Fight for your right to MRI!

Everyone at work is waiting to see if I ever seek treatment for limping and creaking along. Come by our old age home in California and moan along with us.

Saturday, July 28, 2012 1:45:00 PM  

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