Oh Boy ! Free Cake!

Those of you who have known me for a few years may have noticed that I have put on a few pounds since my return from Scotland. I have packed on a little under 15 pounds. As my Mother likes to point out, in a loud voice, preferably in public "Oh no Dottie! You've put on A LOT of WEIGHT!". I returned to Weight Watchers at the beginning of April , even though I have been going up and down, it's been heading in a consistent downward direction the last couple of weeks. Yeah-yeah, I know "boring"-get to the free cake. . .I'm getting there !
Those of you who know me intimately, people that I can speak openly and honestly with about television shows and the value of soulless mall films, have also had a conversation with me about supermarkets. The pros and cons of one over the other-whether accessible parking is really worth the inflated prices they have to pay for the parking lot. Bottom line, I'm a DeMoulas shopper. Because they are local, they are Greek (I'm not Greek, but I wish I could claim it on my family line) and because I feel that they are less expensive than the soulless corporate Giants that blot the countryside. I did my own test and found they were consistently 30 % less on the name brand necessaries I prefer. Consistently. Thus, that is where I spend my hard earned money on a weekly basis.
Tonight, on the way home from work, because it IS on the way home, I did my weekly marketing at the Market Basket. I spent a little more than usual tonight, in case I get motivated to leave the house for the Fourth of July, I want to be prepared to bring something . After the cashier had finished ringing and bagging my groceries and I was wheeling away from the register, a manager came over to my carriage and placed a chocolate cake on top of all my stuff. He said "Happy 4rth of July!" and walked away. I yelled after him " What am I going to do with this ?" He yelled over his shoulder "Eat it". ... .I yelled back "Thank You". I didn't want to seem ungrateful. It did look delicious. Slighlty banged up -hence the gift. Delicious nonetheless. I should also point out that I live with my diabetitic Mother. Neither of us needs a heaping helping plate of chocolate cake. But . . . . that's what we got. Thank you Jesus !
I have had a slice. It is delicious and it tastes even better because it was free. And, if for some reason, you all find my mothers and my bloated bodies half eaten by our beloved cat sometime in the very near future. Know that we both died happy because of free chocolate cake.

Boston-It's for Lovers

What is going on in the world ? Tonight, upon leaving work, I saw two couples making out on the Boston Common on the way to the train station. The second couple, I could only see the girl, from the back, she looked like she had a strippers body. She was wearing gouchos, flipflops and a black halter top. Him-I'm pretty sure he was wearing pants. A passionate, competitive tonsel-hockey kiss. Both my co-worker and I yelled out "Get a room !". Then when we got downstairs and were coming around a wall , there was yet another couple making out. Less physically fit than the last couple, but no less ardoured ( I don't know if that's actually a word). I said to my co-worker "What the F*ck ?" To which he replied " Ah, there must be something in the water."
When did I get to be such an old lady ? Why should I care ? Let them enjoy their fleeting romance. It'll all come apart , eventually. Hopefully, no new children will be involved.
Oh dear lord, I just don't care anymore. . . . .

Slug Race

I think that is an oxymoron. A slug doesn't race. The slug would "win" by still being in the same place after it's opponent is gone. I am the winning slug.
I have no energy. I should have gone out to do stand-up and I couldn't get it together. I've been invited to 4 parties in the last month and I couldn't get myself to any of them. I'm getting to the jobs , but that's about it. I need to act on a couple of goals. Or, I need to be more willing to do something about the goals I think I have set my sights on.
Oh dear Gawd, it's like being 13 again only this time I don't really care what the cool kids think about me. Those "cool" kids are fat and balding and didn't throw a reunion last year. Fuckers.
I think I need dexedrine. Maybe Trim Spa. I'll settle for fried clams.

The Dumb and the Stupidist-TOE-KEY-OH

Oh dear Gawd in Heaven. Sometimes tradition and loyalty are re-assuring, even provide a solid touch-stone in trying times. My little friend Kiki and I go to the movies almost every week. We have done this for over a decade. She has been doing it longer than me. I replaced someone who moved away. I get to see a lot of movies because of this habit. I . . . .also. .. . see a lot of crap because of this commitment.
Tonight's film was a piece of crap titled "The Fast & Furious-Tokyo something else". It was a flick for high school kids about "high school kids"- hollywood style. We have seen all the F&F's. I have to say the orginal with Vin Diesel and Michelle Rodriguez was my favorite. Paul Walker ain't too shabby neither. This "version" didn't have much in the way of plot or eye candy for Nana. The cutest Japanese guy was the most natural acting and they killed him off halfway through the movie. At one point, I got up to go to the bathroom, when I got back I asked my friend 3 questions #1 ) Did I miss any important plot points. Answer:No. #2) Did I miss a cameo by Vin Diesel ? Answer : No. #3) Did I miss any sex scenes ? Answer: No. "How about that couple over there ? " Negatory good buddy . . . . .
The kids participate in a type of car racing referred to as "Drifing" and most dangerously takes place in parking garages. The girls dress in outlandish costumes and the boys dress like American Black rap artists. The boys are never distracted by the girls skimpy outfits. These kids barely think about sex . They are obsessed with money and racing. Apparently, I'm the only one obsessed with sex. And , for me, it is pure theory. . .
An outsider kid gets sent to Japan to stay with his Naval officer father because his mother can't handle his racing ways. The outsider white kid gets mixed up with the wrong junior mafia. . . ah well . . . you get the idea.
My favorite scene is at the end of the movie, there is a shot of the back of the head of the white outsider kid and there are gray hairs in his head ! High shcool, gray hairs ! I started turning gray at 21, but soemobody in makeup should have been on this.
Kiki really liked the car races. She likened them to ballet. Not me. It was inspiring because I'm going to get to work on my own couple of scripts. I can't believe someone put money up for this. Another 2 hours of my life I don't get back and I didn't particularly enjoy sacrificing.I wish I had a meaning for my life. . . .

The Lake House

I saw "The Lake House" on Tuesday. Brief synopsis-A beautiful Doctor and a handsom brilliant architect don't meet and fall in love. I really like both actors and it had me crying a bit. However, there were some real groaner scenes. At one point Sandra Bullock's character is having a heartfelt moment with her mother and utters the line "I just want to give my whole heart to someone" which, thankfully, elicited loud groans and moans from my fellow movie goers in the theater. I can't believe some guys actually sat through this with their girl friends. I can only hope someone is getting laid because of this movie.
The premis relies on the audience accepting that some shift has happened in the time-space continuum. They communicate through a somewhat magical mailbox ,where they leave their letters, and they can affect the outcome of certain events. Time travelling pen pals. The Jane Austen novel "Persuasion" is referenced a couple of times.
I can't believe Keanu Reeves character waits for her and she's kind of difficult. That would never happen to me. I put too much salt on my steak tips and the guy dumps me. I am bitter and I'll be glad when all this crap is over. And by "crap" I mean a belief in romantical notions . Game over . Fortunately, Keanu and Sandra will always have the Lake house . ...

"Straight to the Top"

Last night was the staged reading of George MacDonald's play "Straight to the Top". It's a story about a bunch of comics who get scouted by a Tonight Show type booker. Though there is no particular time it plays in, I think of it as the 80's back when people could actually make money performing comedy without having had a sitcom or an HBO special. It was at Jimmy Tingle's Off-Broadway Theater in Somerville. My character's name was "Cookie"-an ex-stripper turned comic. I had only read it once, at last week's rehearsal. I think I did okay. The audience seemed to like it. It was nice to hear the laughs.
However, I was mostly inpressed with the audience. Jack Lynch, Joey Carroll and Dan Margarita were in the audience. As was Jim McCue, the guy who runs the Boston Comedy Festival. Also, Warren MacDonald who was a headliner, back in the day. He also happens to be George's brother and the guy who the play is dedicated to. And Rick Jenkins who runs the Comedy Studio. I can't believe he came out for this on his night off. What a trouper !
It was nice to be on stage with such professional performers-Doug Marsden, Stacey Yanetti,Aaron Crtuchfield ( a former ImprovBoston guy - after my time)Jerome Smith,Patrick Small and Andrew Slack. Originally , Larry Myles was supposed to play the male lead, but he unexpectedly had to leave on a USO tour. So, George stepped in for him. Of course , George was great because he knows what the characters sound like in his head. Randall Forsythe played the Sheakespearean trained actor who feels he's sullied himself by performing comedy- he was brilliant ! The way he got the inflection and trilled his Rrrrrr's. Really great. George assembled a really great cast, if I do say so myself.
I felt really good doing this.Again, I forget what it's like to be performing with real actors. This cast might not have sheepskins from Yale, but they certainly studied their craft. It showed. It showed for me. I was glad I did it.

The Past Week in Review

Well, this whole past week was a blur. I had a rehearsal on Monday for a staged reading of a play by George McDonald titled "Straight to the Top". We will be performing it tomorrow. I hadn't had a chance to read it ahead of time but I felt confident that I could read aloud without too much fumbling. George seemed happy with what I did, so, I'm okay with it.
Tuesday was my friend Marie's birthday, we went to the Red House for dinner. I had amazing fried oysters as an appetizer and the risotto of the day. The cake was still somewhat frozen, but the custardy part was quite delicious.
Wed. I wanted to get out to Ups N' Downs in Dorchester because I was going to be performing a private party on Saturday and I was trying to work on my stand-up. I just didn't want to get too nervous and the only way for me to quell nerves (historically) is to practice as much as possible. It had been raining buckets all day and it was still pouring after I got home from work. I was really tired and I was comfortable and . .. . well. . . . I never got it together to leave the house. I just didn't want to get all the way down there and find out the building was closed because of flooding or bird flu or something. I felt guilty , even though no one was really expecting me. I had talked to my friend Kris and he said he might go over there. I left him a message saying I wasn't going to make it. Turns out he threw a tie rod on his way to the naked show , so, he didn't get anywhere. Also, kris said the Ups N' Downs ended up cancelling anyway. All that guilt for naught.
Thursday, I had worked it out to go do a set over at Lew's Place in Tewksbury. "Lew's Place" happens to be one of the top two ice skating rink/comedy clubs in Tewksbury. Since my last appearance there, the show has moved into the exercise room. I felt really guilty, because I don't even like looking at excercise equipment ! Kris had Winston Kidd host the show. Winston is a good guy and he's pretty funny if you just talk with him. He's about my age and divorced and bitter. He opened with his ex-wife material, which is pretty good, but the audience was mostly kids. I don't think most of them would bother to leave the home town to go to the big city to go see comedy . This is the big time for them . Or, at the very least , the beginning of them attending grown-up events . . . like this little comedy show. Usually , Kris hosts it. he hosts his show pretty much the way I imagine he would host a dinner party -make sure everyone is comfortable, maybe introduce a couple of people and then start telling jokes. Winston doesn't do that . I was going to go up second. Winston didn't really bond with the audience. Steve Gamblin leaned over to me to comment on the progress of the show and I said "Man , they are so not warmed up . This reminds me of my last boyfriend, after a little foreplay I was still dry and a little sore". .. . .Steve laughed. Then I tested it on Tanya Dalhouse -she laughed and then I think I threw it by Ellen Moschetto as well. It got all around comic apporval. That 's what I opened with. I think I brought some energy to the room . They seemed to be laughing.Winston seemed okay with it. The didn't give it up for a punchline of mine that ends ". . . and that's how you end up living with your mother and a cat !" Silence. "Oh! Wait ! You guys DO still live with your mother and a cat!" Nods, not laughs. And then, for some unknown reason, Kris streaked behind me onstage, without his shirt on. Now , that was funny! The kids liked that. Okay. Fine.
I should point out that the stage lighting is one aluminum utility light. The way it is postioned in the room, if someone crosses in front of it to get to the bar, the whole stage goes dark. That happened during my set , I didn't really know what to do. I just kept going. I didn't do all the material I had planned on doing but I got through it with enough laughs and I didn't get nervous and make myself unhappy that I had tried it. It was a rainy evening but it was fine. I am greatful to Kris for keeping that room going and making it available to me.
Friday night, I worked the benefit at the Charlestown Working theater. I had volunteered last year and returned again this year to help out. It makes it easy for the women who run the theater if they don't have to scrounge around for volunteers and it makes me feel connected to a place that I think of as mine. Also, the three bartenders-me, Kris Earle and John Orsorio -Buck made $22.00 each in tips. Granted, I know it's a charity event, but some people LIKE to tip after they get liquored up !!!! Lenny Clark came in and headlined-he was fantastic and he looks great. I was really impressed with Patti Ross . I didn't recall seeing her before, she's been around for a long time and all the comics know her. I thought she was really funny. The whole show was really funny. I don't know how Tony V puts together such a fantastic show each year, but he sure does. Also on the bill, but I didn't get to see them (because I was serving gin to the sailors) was Kevin Knox, Artie Januario and Steve Calechman. I didn't get to watch him, but he was getting some loud and hearty laughs. It was along but gratifying day.
Saturday, I worked at the record store and then headed out to Malden to perform at the private party. I know, you're think "Holy Shit Dot ! First Tewksbury and NOW Malden ! What's next ? Chelmsford ?!!!!" Yeah , kid, my career is going gangbsuters !!!! I assembled my set list early in the day and I knew what I was going to wear. So, I felt good going to the show.I got lost and I was 15 minutes later than I wanted to be there, but it all worked out. I thought the sound system needed some tweaking because of the accoustics in the building. I did okay. I did all the material I set out to do. I felt fine. I wished I was a little more exhilerated after the experience. It was what it was. I'm glad I got to do it and I didn't get freaked out . I met up with my friend Jan who is in town for a wedding and I got to see Julie, too. Jan Looks fantastic. She lost 75 pounds since the last time I saw her. It was inspiring.
And now, I must go to sleep. I have to work a convention tomorrow from 8 AM to 6 PM and then I need to scedaddle over to Jimmy Tingle's for the staged reading. It's going to be a long day tomorrow as well. Oh, I worked the booth today and my irritating cutomer of the day was an Asian woman who wnated to know where the Old South Church was . I told her it was on the Freedom Trail. "Where on the Freedom Trail ?" It's on your map ! Look at your map ! "Show Me ?" WTF ? Anybody out there know how to read a map that is of a red line actually painted on the sidewalk in front of you ? I calmed down and got over it, but it was a slamming busy day.
And , now , to bed. .. . . .

Marking Time

I worked the booth today. It was steady all day, despite the overcast sky and cooler temperatures. It was a gray day .I would say the project of the day was trying to come up with the appropriate adjective for one of my co-workers. I think of him as vicious, however, he prefers "hateful" which I think is stronger than vicious. Finally, David came upon "Iconoclastic", which we all agreed fit the best.
Earlier in the week, a tearful junkie woman came into the booth asking for a ranger because someone had taken her bags that she had hidden in the park. She was sobbing and told us that she had asked one of the Parks guys if it was okay for her to leave her bags, wherever she left them and the guy said okay. A) "Some guy" doesn't really have any say in that sort of thing and B) I'm sure she didn't ask or tell anyone what she panned to do. During her tearful plea to the Rnager she stated "I Don't use drugs and I always throw away my needles and pipes". Ladies and Gentelmen of the jury, I rest my case. Though I believe she did lose her stuff, I couldn't help but feel she was going to try and scam us with sympathy. You can't leave your luggage on the Common. Even if it doesn't get stolen, it's going to get thrown away. Or worse, the bomb squad will come and blow it up.
Tonight , I did stand-up at the Emerald Isle. It's hosted by two guys that can be very funny situationally and they are very likeable guys but , man , they make a show long. Though I am greatful for them extending me the stage time. I had to be there at 7:30 , I got there at 7:45 and the show started at 8:55. That makes for a long night for me. I worked all day and I'm covering for a co-worker tomorrow morning. I'm trying to get myself in a little better stand-up shape because I'm doing a benefit for a friend on Saturday and I don't want to be all stiff. The tiny audience dwindled as the evening wore on. I did do some new material that I wanted to try and I was getting laughs for the older stuff but I was weary by the time I took stage and a little unfocused. I tried to have fun, but I really wanted to be in my jammies watching a re-run of Grey's Anatomy. I think that's probably a bad attitude.