Saturday, April 28, 2007

Having A Pity Party

I'm depressed. I'm not going to slit my wrists or down a bottle of pills, I'm just a little discouraged right now. I still don't have ny car back. The part didn't come in today, maybe Monday. Well, my mechanic said "Monday , for sure" but my gut tells me it's going to be later in the week. I'm supposed to go down to Marshfield tomorrow to do stand-up. I'm going to have to use my Mother's car. She seemed okay with it, but not very happy. One of my co-workers has given her notice. She wasn't working today. My boss told me. She works 40 hours a week at another job. She wants her Saturdays back. I can't blame her. I 'm going to miss her.
My car doesn't work. I don't have enough money . I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Some of my favorite people have moved so far away, I can't visit them without planning and money-Mary,Betsy, Dee-Rob, Cyndi and the Walsh Brothers. I'm fat and seem unable to do anything about it . I work five jobs and it still isn't enough. I gotta figure out something with my life. I have to get a decent , full-time, one job covers all thing. Maybe give up acting.
I'm just feeling sorry for myself. My only crush is Ryan Goseling . . . . and he hasn;t called. Bastard. . ...
I know my circumstances will improve. I know this feeling is temporary. If I have a point on the horizon to head toward, I forget about everything that's not working. Focus helps. I just can't imagine what to focus on . I'm doing stuff but there doesn't seem to be a point to it. The days just fade in and out. I'm ambivalent.
I wish my car was working. I wish I had a career. This is the result of choices I have made. I am no victim. I feel insubstantial. My sense of self esteem is really wrapped up in having a car. Oh, I have a car, it's just not safe to drive.
This is not very good writing. But it doesn't have to be, because it's a pity party.


Blogger Dee-Rob said...

Dot, please don't give up acting. I'm already planning that you will be my aura of hip cache.

There will be a party in the future -- "Oh, Dot Dwyer, yes, she is great. Did I ever mention that I know her?"

Hang in there. (I know that four out of five of those listed (thanks!) live in the same state. Come to the Bay Area. We have organic produce.

Sunday, April 29, 2007 3:31:00 PM  
Blogger bigtiny said...


I'm sorry to hear you're depressed, hang in there. One thing though....I've TOLD you (and you should know this at your age anyway) that they never call back if you just give it up the first time out! This Gosling character's no different than any other guy. Sheesh!!! When are you gonna learn ?!?!? =:-)


Sunday, April 29, 2007 6:13:00 PM  

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