Having A Pity Party

I'm depressed. I'm not going to slit my wrists or down a bottle of pills, I'm just a little discouraged right now. I still don't have ny car back. The part didn't come in today, maybe Monday. Well, my mechanic said "Monday , for sure" but my gut tells me it's going to be later in the week. I'm supposed to go down to Marshfield tomorrow to do stand-up. I'm going to have to use my Mother's car. She seemed okay with it, but not very happy. One of my co-workers has given her notice. She wasn't working today. My boss told me. She works 40 hours a week at another job. She wants her Saturdays back. I can't blame her. I 'm going to miss her.
My car doesn't work. I don't have enough money . I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Some of my favorite people have moved so far away, I can't visit them without planning and money-Mary,Betsy, Dee-Rob, Cyndi and the Walsh Brothers. I'm fat and seem unable to do anything about it . I work five jobs and it still isn't enough. I gotta figure out something with my life. I have to get a decent , full-time, one job covers all thing. Maybe give up acting.
I'm just feeling sorry for myself. My only crush is Ryan Goseling . . . . and he hasn;t called. Bastard. . ...
I know my circumstances will improve. I know this feeling is temporary. If I have a point on the horizon to head toward, I forget about everything that's not working. Focus helps. I just can't imagine what to focus on . I'm doing stuff but there doesn't seem to be a point to it. The days just fade in and out. I'm ambivalent.
I wish my car was working. I wish I had a career. This is the result of choices I have made. I am no victim. I feel insubstantial. My sense of self esteem is really wrapped up in having a car. Oh, I have a car, it's just not safe to drive.
This is not very good writing. But it doesn't have to be, because it's a pity party.