Wednesday, February 15, 2006

It's Worse Than I Thought

Crappy Valentine's Day ! Did you have a Crappy Valentines' Day ? Hmmm ?
I received no cards, no calls. My friend's Mother gave me a pound of premium foil wrapped chocolate hearts, yesterday. I need a pound of premium chocolate like I need a peanut butter jar full of heroin and bet on the fifth race at Pimlico. Even my sainted, white-haired, 85 year old Mother got 3 Valentines cards. She even got one from the cat !
No one thought of me for Valentine's Day. I am beloved by many . Not loved by a a single man. Even my Dad didn't want me. He wanted my Mother to have an abortion. If I wasn't here, I wouldn't be thinking about this. You wouldn't be reading this and we'd all have a nice , different life.
But my morose attitude really doesn't have all that much to do with this "Holiday". I put "Holiday" in quotes because I used to work at a flower store and this is a "Holiday" to make money for florists and restaurants. 7 years for a mean catty coke snorting gay florist. Nothing wrong with that . I participate in and endorse capitalism. I've had other "holidays" I used to enjoy ruined by my various retail commitments. I have a B.A.S. -in Theater ! I've made some shitty choices in my life. . . .
Still, these reflections have little to do with the "Worse" in the "It's worse than I thought".
Since no hansom young men were vying for my attentions. No dinner date plans were offered. I went out to the movies with my friend . I'm lucky to have a friend to go to the movies with. She's about my age and people are starting to ask if we're sisters. . . . . No one gave her any Valentines either. Her OWN mother gave ME the chocolates she should have received. . ..and I didn't share . . ... so. . . I have a guest at my pity party.
Still, I am not at the "Worse" part yet. We went to see Harrison Ford in "Firewall". We see a lot of crap at the mall. Which gives us a bit of an advantage to recognize something when it's good, because there is really so much crap out there. It wasn't a great movie. We still like Harrison Ford ,though.
The movie wasn't the "worse" part.
The "Worse" part . . .. . and I am torn besause the worse part may have a financial advantage for me later.
The "worse" part is . . . the kid we bought the tickets from . . . gave us a Senior Citizen discount. We got $2.oo off each ticket. We didn't say anything. WE didn' t point out his mistake or act indignant. Or giggle , like when I'm carded at a liquor store. We took our tickets and went into the movie.
We giggled in the theater and kept referring to each other as "Grand Ma" and "Nana".
There is no point in trying to look good. There is no point.
The point is.... There is nothing I can do.
It's just worse than I thought it was.


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