Caviar Farts

When my friend Betsy got married a few years ago, we had a sort of "Girls' weekend". Among the guests were the writer who wrote the screenplay for "The Madness of King George" , Kelly Brower a screenwrite/comic from New York and Deb Doetzer-who we both used to work with who now resides in Chicago with her 2 sons and makes a livliehood doing voiceovers. Any how, Kelly kept making snacks while we were lounging around Betsy's house. One of the snacks was cavier and cream cheese on melba toast. It was the most delectable thing I've ever eaten ! It seemed like a totally decadent food item. The Crystal champagne of munchies !
Anyhow, over the years, from time to time, I get a craving for this little snacky-poo. I buy a really cheap caviar-white lump fish-5.99 for an ounce, Philadelphia cream cheese and "Old London" melba rounds, sometimes the Toast.
My tradition has been to buy the ingredients some time before the Fourth of July with the intention of finishing it by the end of the summer. Basically, the cream cheese won't keep. So, because I'm leaving the country next week, I'm trying to step up the consumption of my little food special. Consequently, I am developing a type of intestinal distress that can usually only be achieved through the consumption of Kelly's Clam Plates or egg salad subs. Until I figured out the source of the offensive emissions, I was sure I had some horrible disease. Now I know it's just a consequence of a peculiar food fetish. Carry on.